Oh My God, I HATE, Stupid People

So, I'm fresh off of my hate fest with stupid AOL from yesterday. (By the way, I am totally going to find a new ISP, I might take the advice of The Ming(thanks) and get a cable connection 'cause AOL blows) Anyway, I wake up this morning, have a great breakfast as well as very stimulating conversation with my cousing and return home to find that I have a message from a place where I applied to worked. Woo Hoo!, I think because frankly, I am in desperate need of a job. The position is for Teaching Artist (basically, a glorified Art Teacher's position but, hey, who am I to complain. They wanted someone who is an artist (check for me) and someone who has teaching experience (second check for me). That's basically it. To put things into perspective, I am going to post my resume, just so that there is an idea of my qualifications:


My Name
My Phone Number
My Street Address
My City, State and Zip Code
My Email Address

HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS

EFFECTIVE, ORGANIZED EDUCATOR with over 5 years experience. Combines a love for the arts with New York State standards to successfully develop lessons that engage students, promotes learning and a sense of accomplishment. Great classroom management and superb interpersonal skills. Core competencies include:

Creation and implementation of lesson plans targeting students of multiple intelligence
Creation of Individual Education Programs
Behavior modification through Montessori like approach to teaching
Specialty in Literacy and writing skills
Strong Conflict Resolution Skills
Excellent Classroom Management
Specializing in educating academically delayed students
Creating and directing extracurricular activities
Teacher Training
Team Leadership


EXPERIENCE

OWNER AND PRESIDENT Samson and Delilah's Doggy Style (09/2003 - present)

Samson and Delilah's Doggy Style is a mail order business providing clothing, accessories and baked goods for the distinguishing person and their companion animal. We offer, clothing and a wide range of
accessories along with cakes and other pet friendly baked goods. We also provide party planning and consultation for pet oriented events. We provided services for the hit HBO show Sex and the City.

As the owner of this company, I have many skills including but not limited to:

Recruiting and training personnel including assistant managers, customer service, administrative and production staff working both full-time and part-time positions

Hiring and supervising a staff of up to 15 with responsibility for performance evaluations, benefits and payroll administration including state and federal taxes

Overseeing operations including customer service, accounting, auditing, advertising, inventory control and order fulfillment for departments with sales of up to $100,000 annually

EDUCATOR AND HOME SCHOOL CONSULTANT, Brooklyn, NY, Grades 2 - 12, (09/2003 -present)

Create engaging lessons that meet NY State standards for students who are academically delayed or in need of enrichment. Provide support for classroom teacher and parents by providing an alternate education source. Increase skills of students in areas such as literacy, writing, social awareness, science and arithmetic. Create alternate outlets for behaviorally challenged students which include, art and
yoga.

CLASSROOM TEACHER, PS 123 The Suydam School, Brooklyn, NY, Grade 4, (09/ 2000 - 06/ 2003)

As a Classroom Teacher, I worked in an ever changing environment where my organizational, interpersonal, authoritative and professional skills were continuously challenged.

Stringently prepared my students for the ELA and standardized mathematics and science tests with 99% success rate. Provided leadership and support to new teachers.
Created inviting and exciting classroom environment that was conducive to learning.
Educated academically delayed and behavior challenged students.
Used formal and informal assessment strategies to evaluate and ensure the continuous intellectual, social and physical development of students.

Along with two colleagues, created Building Community Through Movement, an after school program composed of Karate, Yoga and African dance which supplemented physical education for students who received additional academic support during school hours. Not only was this program successful for the physical achievement of our children, 98% improved academically, socially, and behaviorally.

Created an after school program based on gardening and improving the community. Students planted trees, flowers and vegetables and cleaned community gardens.

TEACHER, PS 309, Brooklyn, NY Grades 3 - 6, (01/ 2000 - 06/ 2000)

Created engaging and challenging social studies and science lessons.
Educated students of multiple intelligence including inclusion classes.
Worked closely with supervisors to ensure academic standards of lessons.

ART INSTRUCTOR, St. John the Evangelist Elementary School, Grades 6-8, (09/ 1998 - 05/ 1999)

Created Art curriculum
Managed and purchased necessary art supplies
Solicited donations from companies and retail outlets to supplement school art inventory
Implemented lessons in art from art history to art creation tailored to ability levels

ART INSTRUCTOR, St. John's University's Metropolitan College, (09/1997 - 05/ 1999)

Created Art curriculum for approval by the dean
Encouraged group motivation which created a learning environment that stressed positive social interaction, active engagement in learning and self-motivation

EDUCATION

Columbia University Teacher's College, New York, NY
Master of Art Secondary Art Education
Master of Science in Education Elementary Education

New York State Certification May 2002

St. John's University, Jamaica, NY
Bachelor of Fine Art Fine Art and Graphic Design September 1999



Okay, and that's right, not one, but TWO Masters and a double major. So basically this is how the conversation goes:

Me: Hello, this is MY NAME, I am calling to speak to J.O., he left me a message concerning the position of Teaching Artist.

J.O. (stupid person if you haven't figured it out): Yes, My Name, I called you.

Me, (after a few seconds of awkward silence): yes, you did. Would you like to speak about the position?

J.O. (already labeled in my mind as a stupid person): Uh,....., Um,... Uh, yes, this position is for a Teaching Artist, tell me, what do you think a Teaching Artist is? (rather condescendingly) Do you know what a Teaching Artist is?

Me: I would assume that it was an Art Teacher of sorts.

J.O. (sounding more and more stupid by the moment): Uh,........., Um, not quite. A Teaching Artist is an artist that teaches.

Me: Okay.

J.O.: I see that you have extensive experience helping (HELPING MIND YOU, I'M A FUCKING TEACHER DUDE, GIVE ME A BREAK!) children.

Me: Not quite, I was a teacher for over 5 years. I started and ran two afterschool programs and taught upwards of 36 children at a time. I was a classroom teacher. If you look at my resume, I have two Masters in education.

J.O.: Oh, Uh, ......., Um, ......., oh yes, I have your resume. Let me ask you, do you like children?

Me: Excuse me?

J.O.: Do you like children?

Me: I have taught children for over 5 years. I have worked by choice, with children in grades 3 - 6 for my adult life, yes, I like children.

J.O.: Are you an artist?

Me: I am a painter, and illustrator, I make dolls and I have double undergraduate degrees in Fine Arts and Graphic Design.

J.O.: Are you an artist?

Me: Yes.

J.O.: We are most interested in your experience at P.S. 123, was that full time?

Me: Yes, I was a classroom teacher. I taught all subjects and was in the classroom with the children all day, I was the classroom teacher.

J.O.: So that was full time?

Me: Yes.

J.O.: (Even though the postion was specifically for upper elementary) How do you feel about kindergarten children?

Me: Well truthfully, the majority of my experience has been with children in grades 3 and up, I don't have extensive expereince with kindergarteners.

J.O.: So you uh......, um......., don't like them?

Me: I don't have experience with children that young, I don't not like them, I don't have experience with them to draw upon.

J.O.: You don't like them.

Me: I didn't say that.

J.O.: Uh, huh. Um........,This position starts in the fall, it's two hours a week. We need someone really flamboyant and out there to get these kids going, this will be anafterschool program. Do you have experience with afterschool?

Me: Yes, I helped start and run two after school programs. But truthfully, I'm looking for something a little more full time, more than two hours a week.

J.O.: Well, It isn't going to pay your rent, you'll have to get another job.

Me: I don't think this will be a good position for me.

J.O.: Good Luck, bye. Hangs up the phone.

My God, he was such an idiot. I wish I could have taped it so that it could be rebroadcast. I wanted to laugh during the entire thing. I have never had experience with an interviewer like this, it was ridiculous. Where do they get people like this? I find it so rude that the person interviewing me isn't at least of the same intelligence as me. How can you determine whether or not I am a good fit for the position when #1, you don't have a command of the english language, #2, you obviously have some basic comprehension problems? This is ridiculous. Then he tells me "Good Luck and Bye" with such an attitude as though I wasted his time. I am sincerely thinking of sending a very damaging letter to his place of employment I mean my God, was he nervous, on herion, eating a bagel? WTF? I can't take it. I'll write more later, I have to get dressed later.

This may sound really mean to complain about and believe me, I'm not really complaining about it but, I am. My friend E's sister passed away. I feel really bad for her, I went through the death of my dad not so long ago. The thing is, I haven't spoken to E in like three years because she is one of those annoying and needy friends. If I speak to her one day it's like I'll have to talk to her 7 or 8 times a day as she complains about her socks, shoes, television, cereal, any and everything little thing that happens in her life. All the while, she, her family, friends, child or anyonee that is visiting her house is yelling in the background at the top of thier lungs scraming in a multitude of languages and joining in our conversation. Speaking to her is draining. This is mean and I'm only writing this becasue I know she will NEVER read this but, E, and her family are SO annoying. They are ALL SO loud and they tell really bad jokes that they all think are funny even though they really aren't. They all dress in this old lady type clothing though truth be told, they are very sweet people, they are just annoying as hell. So, I am dreading having to go to this wake today because I am not in the mood to be around these folk. I'll have to talk to them and laugh at their crappy jokes. This is one they have been telling for years: They are all about 5'2, I happen to be 5'9" and I LOVE heels so I am usually about 6 feet tall when I'm outside. During the course of any event where I am around them one of them inevitably says, "How's it going up there?" or this one "Jeez, think you can lend me some leg?" at which they all simultaneously (and I'm talking about 20 people in all) burst out laughing, holding their bellys and wiping tears from their eyes. That's not even that funny. Once, I ran it across my cousin to see if maybe they had some inside joke going or they were being sarcastic but, they are way too simple for that, like they aren't savvy enough to be sarcastic.

Boy, I'm evil, I might go to hell for that one.