Well

I went out with MD (really nice church guy) yesterday and he really is nice. He's smart, tall, good looking, funny, sweet, gentlemanly. So, why am I not that "into" him? Then I remember, he's just so churchy. Everything is god this and god that. Let's pray before we eat a french fry, let's pray before we cross the street. Though he's nice, I know there isn't anyway that he and I could ever REALLY have a relationship becuase in a word, I'm a heathen. Most black folks LOVE their god, and while I personally don't find anything wrong with that, organized religion of almost any form, and christianity in particular (which I personally view as a white male chauvanistic entitiy which down plays the role of women in biblical history and uses a badly re-written text which omits or plain changes many of the facts and the color and ethnicity of it's main character) just doesn't sit well with me. MD, I think, thinks that I am on the verge of being holy. Like "she just needs a good man and a baby then she'll go to church" kind of thing. But church, religion and what it stands for (taking poor folks money) just isn't my thing. So, I doubt that anything will come into fruition between MD and I because nothing will definitely come into fruition with me and his beloved church.

Lost 27 pounds thus far which has been VERY encouraging. Thus far, I've lost 4 inches off my waist, two off my upper arms, 1 off my thighs (I have THUNDER thighs, but, I say that with love) 2 inches off my calves and I think 3 or 4 off my hips, don't remember. Today, I put on a pair of yoga pants, which I love, they are my favorite "hanging around the house, not leaving a 5 block radius around the house" type pants. And what? They were TOO BIG. They hung way down on my hips, were too big in my thighs and actually dragged on the floor. I should still work out though, and much more than just walking. My stomach, thighs and butt look good but, my upper arms are getting flabby, I notice the difference. But my lazy ass, instead of thinking of the bicep and tricep curls that I SHOULD be doing, and can do because I have a friggin' Total Gym Platinum as well as numerous free weights in the house, just decided that I wouldn't wear anything sleeveless for a while (it's winter anyway, right?). So, only 43 more ponds to go. Doesn't seem as bas as that 70 I had to tackle a few weeks back.

I wore an afro puff piece yesterday and so now, I am trying to figure out what I should do with my hair. I really don't have any plans for tomorrow, and my nieces called and asked if they could stay over Saturday night (not sure about that yet) so, I want to get my hair done between tonight and tomorrow. I still am not used to my hair being this short. Today, as I walked around the house, I kept shocking myself because everytime I look in a mirror (and for some reason, I seem to have a lot of mirrors around the house), I see this short bushy haired chick who kind of looks like me, but not quite. It's very strange. I was going to attempt some tiny two strand twists just to see how they look, my dumb ass actually measured my hair and after the trim I gave myself the other day, I have about 3.25 inches of hair on my head, a bit of a shocker but, that's reality. However, I must say I'm LOVING my hair, I had my hands in it for most of the day. It' SO thick, and SO curly, I am never, ever, ever, never going back to the perm. While visiting The Heavenly One (mom, who uses no chemicals) I asked her, "why did I perm my hair ma?" Her answer (in a whiny and mocking voice) "cause you HAD to have it straight, remember?" Oh yeah.

Every morning, along with my other vitamins, I've been taking GNC's Hair, Skin and Nails Formula. It got really GREAT review on DrugStore.com so, I'm giving it a try just to see if it works. In addition, every night before I go to bed, I've been spraying an olive oil, rosemary, water mixture on my head which is supposed to stimulate hair growth.

So, I'll see.

Racism Maybe?

Since I am off for the week, I decided to untwist my hair so that I could properly wash and condition it and let it rest for a bit. Not that having my hair in the twists is at all stressful to it, I just really wanted to try out some of the shampoo and conditioner I made. Since this isn't the first time in my life that I have worn my hair natural, I have a bunch of hair recipes that I use when my hair is in it's natural state. Anyway, I decided that since is the way my hair is going to be FOREVER and since I've never worn my hair this short (very limiting in styles, to me) I wanted to buy an afro wig. So, I began searching and searching and searching. With the exception of a few wigs at this site:
Katour Wigs most of the wigs that consist of natural Black, African-American, Afro, type hair (whatever you wish to call it) MY natural hair type, are clown wigs. This goes for many of the dred loc type wigs too, they are from costume shops or are meant to be funny. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most open minded person to the world and I normally see things with a "racial twist" to them, from goings on at my job to television commercials but, I find it almost disturbing that natural afro type hair is used as clown hair. Why in the hell do clowns have afros? And, why in the hell is this funny? I told my cousin T (who is my best friend, quite rational and very clever) and her answer was, and I quote "yeah, clowns have big noses and big lips too". The other thing I saw where whores. Clowns and whores.


Now, how could ANYONE as beautiful as this:



or this:




or this:



or this:




ever be mixed up/made fun of (don't know the exact words I'd like to use) with this:




or this:







It's just disgusting.

Arrrgh

Been emotionally eating for the last day or two. I know better than that but doing it anyway. At the very least, I haven't eaten anything that could be catergorized as being "bad" for me, just eating a lot of the good stuff.

Despite what I said I would do, I continued to speak to Mysterious Ex. I know it was stupid, I know it was something I should not have done, but did. The last time I spoke to him, we spoke for about 2 and a half hours and he said a few times during our conversation that he wanted to see me this weekend. Now, I don't think I would have seen him, it wasn't something that I really wanted to do since I knew that would be opening a can I didn't want to open so I told him "we'll see". But, this weekend came and went and he didn't call me, I didn't hear from him, not once. Typical of M.E. the same thing over and over. He really does confuse me, I don't understand how he would go on and on about seeing me and then boom, nothing. This is why I shouldn't be speaking with him, this is why I broke up with him months ago, I never seem to learn. I think that I keep hoping that he will be different. I don't want to use the word change because I know he won't. He keep ing hoping deep down that he will understand the things that he does and just stope doing them, act correctly sometimes but, that isn't what he does. It upsets me though I know I shouldn't allow it to.

I am on vacation for the entire week for President's Week. So, I really don't have much planned. I am supposed to have lunch with MD (really nice church guy) on Wednesday and I was thinking of calling this guy I dated for a short bit of time last year. I have to write two essays for the Principal Training program, I don't want to do it, truthfully I think it's a bit silly, but it has to be done. I start my work out routine tomorrow. I can definitely say I'm not looking forward to that.