Before 8 this morning,

My phone is ringing. Last night around 9:30, work people were calling me. What is this?  Is it really this serious?  When exactly am I not supposed to work?  When exactly am I supposed to just be?

This morning, I dropped Bubby off at school and because she saw two other children crying and falling out on the floor, she decided she should do so too. So, here I am, with a three year old dangling from my thigh, screaming and carrying on, mind you she never does this. But today, let's fall out on the floor and act the fool, yah!

My stomach hurts this morning.  I'm not sure why, but it does. My head hurts and I feel kinda icky.

So,

Today, on top of all the crazy stuff I have to do for work, in life, etc. my kid is bugging out. She's screaming, she's yelling, she crying and snot is sliding out of her nose. My head hurts. Why is she doing this? I'm not sure. First she says her elbow hurts but literally two seconds later she's chasing the cat around the house screaming and yelling at him. Then she decides she wants to eat cake but not eat food. She screamed, yelled, hollered, and carried on for close to twenty minutes yelling at the top of her lungs and causing me a horrible headache. I've locked myself in the bathroom to distance myself from the noise. To try and have some kind of quiet. I'm not sure what all of this is. I'm not sure if she's tired or upset or what. It's highly unorthodox for her to behave this way and I'm really not sure what is going on but I know I'm tired.  My head hurts. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing, quiet night at home.

Days like this, I seriously question why I even became a mother. This is what I thought I wanted. I so badly had to have this.  I miss my old life.

I'm EXHAUSTED!

Before I get into work, my phone starts. It's ringing, buzzing, being texted and emailed. This one is gonna be late, that one is early. A parent showed up, a parent didn't show up, someone forgot to do this, that or the other. I'm trying to get dressed, I'm trying to get the kid dressed, we're trying to get out the house. I'm trying to have a moment with my baby, the phone is ringing. It's buzzing, it's making noises I've never heard before. I drop Bubby off to school. I head to work. My phone is going off, it's doing stuff, why don't they leave me alone?

As soon as I walk int my office, I'm inundated with people, I have meetings, someone needs to be hired, someone needs to be fired. Someone didn't show up.  This lasts for about ten ours straight.

I head home. The SECOND I step in the door, "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" but, she hasn't seen me for 9 hours. I can't be mad.  I entertain, I laugh I listen, I'm tired.  We eat, cleanup, play, watch a kids show, I wash her up, get her to bed. I clean up again, get her clothes ready, get mine ready, sit down then, my phone starts again. Recaps of days, friends calling to vent, pregnant women calling to ask questions, my mama calling to see if I can open a bottle of water for her. I'm exhausted.

It's been a long time

I need to write.

Life is somewhat hectic. My career is going very well ie., I'm crazy busy. I'm single mommy to a soon to be four year old who never seems to stop talking. My mom is not well, and somewhat dependent and I'm in the midst of a huge life change without the benefit of a creative outlet so, to keep myself from going crazy or totally going ballistic on everyone, I will write.

A great sense of calm washed over me just as I wrote that one paragraph (relax, relate, release).

Life is drastically different then it was before so, we start a new.