Yesterday, I went to a city wide conference with Directors from around the city. Sitting in the midst of these folks, everyone was discussing work, kids, programs, new clubs, new offerings, etc. and I was not only bored, but MAD that they were talking about work so much. I mean, I was really annoyed, everytime someone asked me, "what are you doing at your sites?" "What new programming are you thinking of for next year?" I just wanted to smack them. Shut up about work already crazies! Then, it dawned on me, they aren't crazy, I am because frankly, I no longer care about my work. Sad, isn't it? I truly, honestly, really, just don't care. I don't care about new innovative programming or finding the best people because I just don't care. It makes me sad, I was very enthusiastic at some point in my life. When did that all change? I'm not in an industry where I make hubcaps or stack boxes, I work with children, our future and all that good jazz. Lately, I've been more excited about how quick I can get home then finding something cool for my kids to do. It makes me VERY sad.
I know that I get bored with work easily. I go into a position with goals. Once those goals are met, I don't want to be in that position any longer. I've done this since I've begun working. I think some of it may have to do with the fact that with the exception of starting my own school (which I'm sure I'll do), I've reached all of the career goals I've set for myself and I may feel as though I don't have a lot more to do. I'm sure I can go further in my career, actually I know I can but honestly, I don't see the point. While looking at new positions, I keep seeing the same types of things, just with a lot more responsibility and a lot more work, very often not with much more pay. At this point, I honestly have to say I live very well off of my salary and really don't see a reason to kill myself making a lot more money. I'm okay.
I thought I'd NEVER say this again but, I think I actually miss being in the classroom. I realized that I was happiest at work when I was teaching the fourth grade. I left because I got bored of going to the same building every day and some teacher who basically said he KNEW he would be teaching at that school for the next 22 years freaked me out. I couldn't see ME working somewhere for 20 plus years so, I gathered my stuff, put in my resignation and moved on to what I thought would be bigger and better things. Now that I've done those bigger and better things, I'm done. I just want a much simplier existence. A position that doesn't require so much of my time and so much of my sanity and patience.
As a Sagittarius, I KNOW I'm cursed with a wandering spirit. I've come to terms with that. I'm constantly in search of the next big thing. But now, I wonder, what is the point of it all? Every day, I wake up, shower, eat, run out the house, do the same crap, go home, eat, shower, sleep and do it all again. Is this all there is to life? When I have kids will it be, wake up, shower, bathe them, eat, feed them, run out the house, come home, eat, feed them, bathe them, shower and back in bed? I want more, whatever that may be. I want to enjoy and experience life, whatever may be in store for me and I honestly don't think it will be possible running around doing meaningless stuff for which I have no passion. The funny thing is, I don't think I have passion for anything; at least not enough passion that I would want to dedicate myself to doing something for the rest of my life. I mean, I have many interests, thoughts, ideas, but, nothing that ever really grabs my attention for massive amounts of time. Are people pretending when they talk about how much they love their jobs? If not, how does one find what they love?
