Confession Part 2 - Now with 60% more Doubt!

Why am I doing this? Last night, someone asked me, "why are you back tracking?" Is it that I am lonely and will not admit it to myself? Is it just because I've been having such a horrible time in the dating area of my life?

Thus far, M.E. and I have only been talking, nothing much. I was at first very optimistic thinking, this time will be different, he's matured, we've both grown but, I am having serious doubts, as I should. I mean, how many times have I walked down this road? How many times have I cried and hurt over this man? Why am I even allowing him back into my life? I was bdginnig to feel myself feel the twinges of love again. I was beginning to feel myself forget all of the foolishness we have been through and just want to be again, be what? I don't really have an answer for that. I guess be what we never were. Someone asked me, how do you know he just isn't saying what he thinks you want to hear? How can you think someone who you feel was not truthful with you before will be truthful with you now? I sincerely don't have answeres for those questions. I sincerely don't know what to say.

I can only go by what I feel. I feel that he is being truthful with me. I sincerely can't see someone waiting around for 15 months to just fuck with another person's life again. I can't see someone waiting 15 months to tell more lies, to disrupt someone's life. I sincerely just can't see that.

At this point, I am not sure what to feel or what to think. I am of course not certain of my thoughts or choices which is something I HATE. The only thing that I can do is go through the motions I guess. I don't want to banish him from my life again, especially if there is real growth but, I don't want to be hurt again. I don't know if I can take that.

Confession

I've been seeing Mysterious Ex again.

I probably shouldn't but, I have anyway.

We've been talking a lot, like for hours and hours and our dates are all talking dates.

We have been sharing a LOT of information.

We have been spending a lot of time together.

Its so weird how we are able to pick right up and feel very comfortbale around each other.

I'm hoping things will be right this time.