can't think, I'm tired

Eaten so far today:

Breakfast: Bowl of Corn Pops


Lunch: Baked Ziti and Baked Chicken

Dinner: Baked Chicken and Ziti



Hours on Phone: about 2 so far



Resumes: I believe 5 have three interviews next week (woo hoo!)

Exercise: Some yard work about an hour

Bought: Some doll hair for a new doll I'm making only .75 cents a pack(I love ebay)


So, I have three job interviews next week. I'm very excited about that considering the fact that I am in desperate need of a job. I hate being unemployed man, I've never not had a job and it's starting to take it's toll on me. I hate not having enough money to do the things I want to do, I hate having to be on this cock a mammy tightwad budget.

I am so happy for my friend G, she's getting married this year to a really great guy that she really loves. I hope that I am able to be with someone like that.

Back to the Mysterious Ex, New Guy thing. I am seriously angry at Mysterious Ex, it just bothers me that he is doing the same things he has done in the past and doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it. The thing is this, we broke up, I wrote him this huge letter outlining all of the problems we have, all of the things I feel that he has done wrong, our break up lasted a week with our going back and forth making these points to one another. We were apart for three months, we did not speak to one another, we didn't see one another then, out of the blue he calls me, professes all of this love to me and wants us to try to be together again. I cautiously agree, of course I still have doubts about how our relationship has played out in the past. But, I feel after the break up we had, if he is coming back, he is going to take the things I have told him seriously and try to honestly change, he even tells me this but, I feel that he was not being truthful with me or with himself. I care for him but, I am not willing to allow myself to be hurt for his benefit. I am not going to silently sit on the sidelines and hope for the best from him. I did that for a year, an entire year and I don't want to do that any longer. If he loves me, how can he be so careless with my feelings.

I don't want to play one guy against the other. If M.E. and I don't work I want it to be because we just don't work, not because some other guy wooed me better but, New Guy (at least now), seems like a better choice. I don't want things to be over with M.E., I don't want to just end things because they aren't going the way I want them to, I realize that a relationship is work and it needs attention and time to grow but, when is enough enough? When do you realize that no amount of time or energy will make a relationship grow to where you want it?