I have been very upset thesee last few days. I think I've been feeling this for a while. I'm normally not a depressing person and really don't like my current mindset.
I HATE my job. It's not the children or particularly the place I work, it's the current state of education in general and its effect on my career. When I began teaching 7 years ago (something I thought would be temporary I might add), I loved what I did. I was good at it, I worked hard at it. It was something I enjoyed. Now, schools no longer exist to educate children. They have become test taking mills. Teachers have become babysitters and robots who all teach the same lessons from the same script at the same time of day. There is no true educating of children, it is getting them prepared for this or that test. My day has gone from the developing and strengthening of young minds to 3 hours of reading, 2 hours of math and an occassional period of science or social studies. There is no geography, no phonics, no creative writing, no music, art or even gym. It is learn to pass this test, pass that test. It is disgusting. Originally I thought I would become a principal and try to change things at least in the school I would be leading but truthfully, my heart is no longer there. I couldn't care less about what I do anymore. I simply don't care. Am I happy about this, not at all but, these are my feelings despite this. I would LOVE to open a bookstore or a cafe but truthfully, I am realistic about such a venture. I know that it takes capital which I do not have to start something like that. I know how difficult it is to even venture into that type of undertaking. I know that at this point in my life, I am not willing to take something like that on. I know that I fell defeated in many aspects. Even teaching in and of itseelf is my "safety" or fallback career. It is not what I started out in the world to do even though I do very well at it. I have allowed it take up much more of my time that I ever thought it would. When I ran my own business, that was optimum to me. I was very happy with what I was doing. I want to get back into that. So, what am I going to do? I'm not sure. This summer in order to keep advancing (make more money) I am going to take five classes and two tests. This will set me back another seven thousand dollars. I know it is an investment into myself but, I don't know if I want to invest into this career any longer.
