What a Day

Of course I am tired but like a little kid, I have to sit up until I fall asleep. Unlike a little kid, I have to teach five classes of 13 - 16 year olds tomorrow. So, this morning, I got up early, walked to the train station, climbed 4 landings of stairs to catch train. Went down two flights of stairs to catch second train, walked two blocks to catch bus, walked up hill to get to school then walked up six flights to actually get to my classroom. What the Fuck? The good news is, at this rate, I should be able to lose all the weight I want to in about 3 weeks, the bad news is, got up early, walked to train station, climbed 4 landings of stairs to catch train. Went down two flights of stairs to catch second train, walked two blocks to catch bus, walked up hill to get to school then walked up six flights to actually get to my classroom. Then had to do it all in reverse to get home.

I have to find a school closer to my house, this is ridiculous. Starting tomorrow, during lunch, I am going to call every school in a ten block radius of home because there is no way on Goddess' green earth I am going to do this every day for the rest of the year. I'd have to be on some kind of crack for that.

Spoke to the father of my future child and spoke about custody, how we will do visitation, etc. The thing is this, he tells me if I feel more comfortable with him not having anything to do with the child he will respect that. I must admit that I was very tempted but, I felt guilty in denying my baby a chance to know his/her dad, especially since he is a pretty decent guy. I did however have weird fantasies (during my LOOOOONG train ride) about him absconding with my beautiful baby to some far off land or even some tiny American town where he/she would never be heard from again. I don't want to be one of those lying mothers who tells their child "your dad died" and I don't want to deny my child a relationship with his/her father but, I'm afraid of the ramifications of what I am planning to do. Ideally, I would love to be married and having a child with my husband, but that is not a reality for me. I hope that I am making the right decision. I already feel that having a child is correct, I am very excited but, what door of legal woes am I opening by doing this? I guess I'll see.

Dammit, School Again, Uggggh

So, it's the day before school starts. I am supposed to be up at like 5 in the morning. So, am I getting much needed sleep? No, I'm up listening to Bjork and playing with Sam. Do I want to go to work? No. Do I need to go to work? Hell yes. Like a child, I refuse to go to bed at a decent time, but unlike a child, I have no mommy to put me to bed or wake me up in the morning. Well, I have a mommy, but she won't be putting me to bed or waking me up anytime soon.

So, today, I was looking at pictures me and my cousin T took at that wedding I went to earlier this summer, the one with the horrible cousins in the 100 degree heat. So, I look SO FAT in those pictures! WTF?! I mentioned this to The Heavenly One who diplomatically answers "MY NAME, you are a little heavier but it's nothing too bad". Gee, thanks Mom. Now I feel better. I then went scouring for pictures of me from last year and I found one where I was looking quite fetching and svelte. So, I took these two pictures and bent them in a way so that there are no other people to be seen. I stapled them together so that I could have a side by side comparison of me and Jesus, not only do I LOOK fat, my ass is FAT! I mean, I know that I know that I have gotten fatter. I've talked about it, blogged about it. I see it in all of the clothes that don't fit anymore. I did some fasting earlier and lost some weight, then when I got dressed for the last wedding I went to, I thought I lost some weight since the dress I wore seemed a little bigger, but last week, I put on this dress I haven't worn since last year and God, I looked awful. So now, for motivation/torture, I have hung this side by side picture of myself up over my desk, near my bedroom mirror, and I had the strange urge to put it near my fridge though I didn't. I'm, really pissed off too because I planned on baking a big batch of Gwen's chocolate chip cookies (with walnuts) mmmmmm, and a big batch of my everything cookies. Now, looking at my fat ass all over the place, I truly don't want to do it. I mean I love my body and all that jazz but God am I fat.

Look at this dumb bitch

I haven't posted anything about Katrina because truthfully, I didn't know what to say and I was very angry about the way things have been handled by our government and baout the way people who look just like me have been treated and portrayed in the media. But today, I was reading the paper (as I do everyday) and I was shocked and appaled by the statements of Barbara Bush, the president's mother and the former first lady. After visiting the SuperDome in Houston Texas where literally THOUSANDS of homeless hurricane victims are now living, she says and I QUOTE:

"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working out very well for them,"


WHAT THE FUCK LADY! I mean Jesus, I don't care how poor you are or how little you have. Your home is your home, I don't care if it's a mansion, a studio apartment or a fucking trailer up on cinder blocks, it's yours. Does she think sleeping in a fucking sports arena with THOUSANDS of people is "working out very well for them"?! Can someone hit this woman with an intelligence stick? It is idiodicy like this that makes me angry. You better believe if she had the misfortune of losing anything of hers she wouldn'e feel this chipper about the situation. An ENTIRE CITY is gone! and all she can say is things are working out fine, on what planet could this possibly be true and what kind of crack is she on exactly?

She then goies on to say, AND I QUOTE:

"What I'm hearing is they all want to stay in Texas," she continued. "Everyone is so overwhelmed with the hospitality."

Who the fuck wants to leave their home like that? If all was well in Orleans, does she honestly think that ten thousand people would just get up and move to Texas? Give me a break chick. I don't care how hospitable someone is when I visit, ultimately, I want to go home and I'm sure these people would love to be back home too.

Then she says: MORE QUOTING:

Later, on "Larry King Live," she defended her son and disputed critics who say the delays in getting relief to New Orleans proved the President doesn't care about poor black people. "Now that one hurt because I know this President, and I know he does care," she said.

I'm not even going to touch that one, I'm truly too pissed off. Anyhow, very few mothers find fault with their "sweet baby boys" especially not in front of the entire country.

Where did my links go?

I guess in the excitement of changing my blog, I forgot to copy and paste my links, darn, guess I'll have to do them again.

And we're off!

I made the decision yesterday to have my baby the good old fashioned way. After I looked at those sperm banks for a few minutes I really thought, I can do this, I SHOULD do this. I thought and thougnt and came up with this guy who is sort of a psuedo friend, he's nice, we know one another but I wouldn't really call him a friend friend. I emailed him and asked what he thought and right away he was like "SURE"! He tells me, we could have a relationship, I've always thought you were a really cool girl and you're beautiful. I answered: Awwwwww!, that was sweet but, I just want a baby right now, I have just a few years to conceive and I don't want to get into something that may not work. I asked him to collect as much medical history for me as he could and asked him for baby and childhood pictures and he sent them in like a half hour. Needless to say, I was quite impressed. So, we spoke about STD testing (we are both negative for everything) he told me his blood type (for the Rh factor thing) and he tells me, I'm ready when you are. Cool. I've decided to start in about a month or two since I want to lose about 15 pounds BEFORE I try to get pregnant, plus, I want to tell my doctor and get prenatal vitamins and all that jazz. Hopefully (fingers crossed, knock on wood, praying to the Gods) this will work. I'm very excited but, I'm a big nut too, so I'm very, very scared. So, (Goddess PLEASE don't let him come across this blog) here's a picture of the two of us as babies. I think my baby will come out a little on the bright side, (at least for a black kid) but I think he/she will be cute, no?:






So here's hoping everything goes well and to a quickly conceived, healthy fat baby.