Have I Made a Decision?

Eaten Today
Breakfast: Corn Pops Cereal

Lunch: Salami Sandwich potato chips

Dinner: Salami Sandwich Potato Chips

Also a host of cookies, snack cakes and I even had some ice cream

Hours on Phone: over 3

Exercise: Not much

Bought: Nothing


After another day of spending time with New Guy, I have come to realize that I really do like him. I feel very comfortable around him. Mind you, time I spend with Mysterious Ex is also good, it is not as though I don't like to be with M.E., in fact, I LOVE spending time with him. But realistically, I am not sure if we are going along the path that I would like to go. I am not sure if the end result of our relationship will be note worthy. We still barely see one another, I know that for the time being and for the short term future he does not and will not have a vehicle so that would put a damper on any real attempt he would be trying to make in advancing our relationship but outside of that, I feel as though I still do not know him, I feel as though I am not apart of him. It is not that I want him to put his entire self into our relationship or place our connection above all goings on in his life, but I would like to know that there is something more than what is on the surface. I need more from him and I don't feel that I am going to get that.

When I see him, I see children and a home and a family but I realize that I see that like a fantasy, I don't feel that there is a true path to that world. I don't feel that we are in a place to make a way there, it is sad, but it is true. Maybe I am jumping the gun, we have been together again for only about a month but, I see no difference, things are very much as they were.

I did not want to spend time with New Guy originally, I didn't want to confuse myself by spending time with him but it has been much less confusing than I thought it would be. Truth be told, it has opened my eyes, with him, I feel free to talk about what I want, I don't feel that he is judging me. We have both declared the type of relationship we want and the kind of person we would like to be with and what we want is similar. I am very serious about what I want from my personal life and what he want directly coincides with my thoughts. I don't want this to be the end of me and Mysterious Ex. I don't want our relationship to disintergrate into nothing. I don't want to admit that I've made yet another mistake with Mysterious Ex but, I think that I may have.