So, I thought I was done with this kind of foolishness but apparently, I'm not.

Yesterday, Paul and I decide to have a picnic. We go to the store, get some food, drop by this great bakery, get some cupcakes and head to the park. Its a really lovely day. We intended to go have a picnic, then go to the beach later in the evening. We like the beach at night for some reason. As the day went on, it began to get really cool and, I was wearing a sun dress, no sweater, no nothing. As we left the park we decided we wouldn't go to the beach or Bumble and I would freeze our tushies off. Okay, we're in the car and Paul says, "Let's go shopping!" Okay, I'm always down to buy some stuff (and I have gone particularly crazy in the baby clothes and shoes dept.) Alright, some brief background:

We've decided that I'm going to stay home after the birth of Bumble. My current position is very demanding and don't want to spend upwards of 10 plus hours away from my baby each day. Bumble will only be an infant once in her life and I think its my duty as her mom to give her as much of my time as possible, especially in the very early part of her life. Paul agrees and so, we have been planning that I will stay home with her for about three years. Because of this, admittedly, this man has been holding stuff down. He's wiped out all of his debt, minus about 2 thousand and we have both been living on nothing but cash. I won't use my credit cards at all and we've only been using his for very small purchases to at least keep the account in good standing. We're living below our means because this is what we will have to do once I'm not working. We'v been saving lots of money and, we've been putting money aside. So, we've both been on a strict budget. When we go out, we decide we're only going to spend x amount of money and we stick to that.

All this being said, I've been saving money so that I can make purchases for Bumble if I want to without going over my budget. So, I usually have about two hundred "extra" dollars hanging around because I never know if I'm going to run into a big sale, or see something I just HAVE to have. Yesterday, I had about three hundred "extra" dollars because I was planning on buying Bumble's bedding set for the nursery. Paul decided our budget (from his funds) for yesterday's activities would be 120 dollars which is a lot considering we were just having a picnic and going to the beach. After getting food, and dessert, and drinks, we spent about 60 dollars so, he had about 60 bucks left on him. Okay, we decide to go the mall, we went to Marshall's which is this huge discount store that has all kinds of cool stuff. They had great prices on baby stuff, so, we got 6 onesies, 6 sleepers, two pairs of shoes, four hats, two pairs of socks, a bunting, 2 outside outfits and a receiving blanket for about 85 dollars. Not bad at all. Since Paul only had 60 dollars on him and because I saved up money specifically for this purpose, I bought the stuff with my debit card. Almost immediately, he starts acting weird, like his entire energy is just strange. We're in the car going home and I ask him, "what's wrong?" he answers "nothing". He then hands me money, I ask him "why?" he answers, "what do you mean why?" I put the money down in the cup holder between us. When we get to my house, there is parking all over the place which is unusual for a Friday night but, instead of parking, he pulls up near my house, I get out, he takes my packages to the door, he then gets back in his car and literally speeds off. Okay.

I go to my Mom's house to pick up Sam, I hang out for a while because I'm not tired, I'm mad and I don't feel like sitting in my house by myself. I recount the evening to her but she really doesn't have an answer. I go home, wash up, play with Sam then I text him:
Y r u upset?
He answers: I'm not feeling that you are always pulling out ur wallet EVERYWHERE we go. You took the joy out of me buying things for our baby.

I answer: I didn't take the joy out of anything. U could have said we won't buy anything or, u could have bought some of the stuff if it was so important.

He calls me and tells me I made him feel as though he can't provide for me or our child because I'm always so quick to show how independent I am and how much I don't need him.

I answered: Are you serious? You didn't have enough cash on you. You didn't have your credit card. We were both in the store picking out things together. You stood on line with me. Why is this an issue? I don't understand.

He then tells me I just don't understand, I think he can't provide for me. I have to go buy everything on my own. (Prior to this, I've bought some baby shoes, a few t shirts and what I've been calling Bumble's coming home outfit. I've MADE (with yarn HE bought) some sweaters and booties and I'm still working on two blankets.)

We hung up because frankly, I was just sooooo pissed off. I've been through this "you don't act as though you need me" foolishness with men in the past and I honestly thought we were better than that. I've just been so pissed at him all day because
a) I felt he could have handled this WAAAAAY better. He literally took my packages to the door, jumped in his car and left. He usually stays over on nights he isn't working so, I thought that was the plan.
b) It was just so childish of him and now I honestly feel as though I see him in a different light. I'm not sure if I'm just mad at him now but, I don't even want him to touch me, like I really don't even want to look at him.
c) I'm not even sure I want to be a stay at home mommy. Like this experience just ruined that for me. Of course I want to be with Bumble, especially in the beginning but if that means giving up my independence, especially to someone who seems to be so foolish about such things, I'm honestly not sure if its something I want to do.

I truly thought we were working as a team. I thought we were building he foundation for our family but, he took it to some whole other level. Its just silly.

I'm angry, and sad. I know life isn't going to be perfect. I know there are issues we will have to face and deal with and work out but, this shit is just so ridiculous to me. I'm not even sure where to begin on this one.