Are You Really In Love?

I was talking with my GodMother last night. I LOVE her dearly. She is fantastic in every way. She has helped me tremendously and I can honestly say that she was the catalyst for some serious changes in my life.

So, last night we were on the phone, talking about Bumble, the weather, work, why I haven't come to see her and junk mail. Just regular stuff. So, she asks, "What happened to this summer wedding you were supposed to be having?" Ummm, I answer, we'll probably do it toward the end of the year. "Mmmmm" she answers, and in that "Mmmmm" there are a thousand and one words. "So" she asks, "Why aren't you getting married now again?" I just don't want to, I answer. I thought it was important but honestly, right now, I don't feel like it is. Not so much. "Mmmmmm" she answers. "Baby, do you WANT to get married? Are you happy?" I answer, Yes. Which wasn't enthusiastic enough for her I suppose because the next thing out of her mouth was, "You can tell me anything. You know that. I just want to make sure you're alright. You have a good man, you're having his baby but, you odn't want to get married. Do you love him?" I answer that Paul is by far the best man I've ever been with, he's kind, considerate, funny, sweet and I know that he'll be a good father. "You didn't answer my question".

So, I think. Paul is fantastic. I cannot say that he isn't. He is kind to me, he is respectful of me, he is caring and responsible, and I know that he loves me. I can feel it, I see it in his eyes. Now, admittedly, am I into him the way I was into Mysterious Ex? I don't think so but, M.E. and I in no way had the kind of relationship that Paul and I have. I think that in many ways, my thing with M.E. was more of a, "this is what we COULD have". Since I have those things WITH Paul, there isn't any speculation about the kind of relationship we could have or the things we can do because we are doing them. It isn't that I don't love him. I think it is so much more than that. We share space, and life, and emotions and a child and future. Those are things I've never had with any person. he and I have made a committment to one another to our life together, to raising our children, to reaching goals together. Honestly, I don't feel like making these things recognizable by law will make them stronger or more true or more real. Could I be wrong?