Oh My , My, My

Eaten for today:
Breakfast: Cap'n Crunch (no more Frosted Flakes) The Heavenly One thinks I should only buy Frosted Flakes, therefore, I wouldn't really run out of them. Sad to admit, but I never thought of that.
Lunch: Salami and Cheese on crackers
Dinner: I am making a chicken, andouille sausage, shrimp and vegetable stew, it smells really good so I hope it will be

Hours on Phone: about 2
Resumes: 2 so far (still looking to see if I get anything better)
Exercise: 2 hours of yard work, in the hot sun none the less
Bought: some john Irving books on ebay, 5 for $1.50, I love Ebay

It is hot, hot, hot in the city. Just a short time ago it was freezing now, God it's hot. Most of my tomato plants died in the cold so I will have to go the Home Depot and get some new ones. I was looking very forward to growing my own varieties from seed but I guess that isn't going to happen now.

Mysteriuos Ex called me very early this morning to check in on me, he thought I sounded sad when we last spoke. I am so conflicted over my feelings for him. One day he gets on my nerves like no one's business and the next day, I'm all "God I love him". I'm such a f--king nut.

Along withmy stew, I'm baking a bread from a recipe that Gwendolyn Oblivion gave me, (thanks Gwen) hope I don't screw it up too much.

Today, the lawyer (New Guy) emailed me. Here goes, (oh and get this, the subject line was "Shame", oh please):

I write with great shame and pain, I must however apoligize to you for the way you must have felt. I am not as bad a person and an "asshole" as you think, yet; I very much understand the umbrage that you feel and how vile and banal you must have thought I was. Indeed I am sorry for causing any ill-feeling.

I am but a mere mortal struggling with my own demons. I tried to tell you about my situation, but my own insecurities took the better part of me, and convinced me that I would work through my demons wthout telling you. That was poor judgement and it has nothing to do with the way I think and feel about you. I like you very much, still like you very much and have never ceased thinking about you. I am convinced that you must place me in the same category as the devil's incarnate, while I am certainly not, I again understandably accept with shame and regret your bruised emotions. I know I will look to your face again and apologize and explain in fuller details. I do understand. Remember, the dry bones shall live again.

Fondly,
the asshole (well, I signed the asshole, not him)

This was my response to him:

You do not need to apologize, my feelings are not bruised, you give yourself way too much importance. What occurred between us was not that serious nor that life shattering. The one and only person you need to apologize to is your wife for she is the person that you have hurt, she is the one that you made vows to. To place the blame on what you did as "struggling with your own demons" is nothing but a cowardly cop out. You are a grown man fully capable and aware of your actions. The blame should not be placed on your demons but on yourself. Your wife sounds like a wonderful and beautiful woman, you should be ashamed of yourself to put her through the embarrassment of having to speak to another woman that you were "involved" with. I hope that you are able to rectify your actions before you lose someone who has committed herself to you.

And, whether you want to admit it or not, you are an asshole. You're not very much of a person either but your actions rest on your head and your head only. You have to look yourself in the face everyday knowing that you are a deceitful, conniving liar and that can in no way feel good.

Take care
My Name


Could you imagine his "I still like you" bit, am I 16 and stupid? I mean come on, does he think I'm all "oh, he still likes me, what joy", stupid idiot, men really will try anything. As Gwen so eloquently put it, "here's to hoping he dies alone". Truer more thoughtful words have never been spoken.

So, this morning when Mysterious Ex called me, I asked him, How are you feeling? His answer was, and I quote, "I don't know, just feeling a little blah". What the fuck, my crazy little mind was racing, did he read my blog? Did he find it? I mean, I've given out enough information with the exception of our names that he would have to be a complete idiot to not recognize us in this thing. I obssessed over it for at leat an hour before I let it go. Then I had to think, did I get the "blah" thing from Mysterious Ex or is that something I've been saying for a while and now he just happens to say it too? Is it a very common thing to say to someone, "I'm feeling blah"? My God, I'm so scared, kind of. I mean, M.E. is no slouch when it comes to computer literacy, actually admittedly, the guy is a damned genius it would really not take much for him to find this, all he would have to do is google my screen name. Am I the only nut who googles peoples screen names? How many people do this? See, there I go being crazy again. Whenever someone posts a comment, I'm thinking it's going to be him saying "found it bitch, you're busted!" Even though I know Mysterious Ex would never do such a thing, he doesn't speak that way, especially to me, I am the potty mouth in this relationship. Ah well, I guess those are the pains of posting ones personal business on a forum available to EVERYBODY. If you are reading this and you think you are Mysterious Ex, believe me, you're not.