What a Day

Of course I am tired but like a little kid, I have to sit up until I fall asleep. Unlike a little kid, I have to teach five classes of 13 - 16 year olds tomorrow. So, this morning, I got up early, walked to the train station, climbed 4 landings of stairs to catch train. Went down two flights of stairs to catch second train, walked two blocks to catch bus, walked up hill to get to school then walked up six flights to actually get to my classroom. What the Fuck? The good news is, at this rate, I should be able to lose all the weight I want to in about 3 weeks, the bad news is, got up early, walked to train station, climbed 4 landings of stairs to catch train. Went down two flights of stairs to catch second train, walked two blocks to catch bus, walked up hill to get to school then walked up six flights to actually get to my classroom. Then had to do it all in reverse to get home.

I have to find a school closer to my house, this is ridiculous. Starting tomorrow, during lunch, I am going to call every school in a ten block radius of home because there is no way on Goddess' green earth I am going to do this every day for the rest of the year. I'd have to be on some kind of crack for that.

Spoke to the father of my future child and spoke about custody, how we will do visitation, etc. The thing is this, he tells me if I feel more comfortable with him not having anything to do with the child he will respect that. I must admit that I was very tempted but, I felt guilty in denying my baby a chance to know his/her dad, especially since he is a pretty decent guy. I did however have weird fantasies (during my LOOOOONG train ride) about him absconding with my beautiful baby to some far off land or even some tiny American town where he/she would never be heard from again. I don't want to be one of those lying mothers who tells their child "your dad died" and I don't want to deny my child a relationship with his/her father but, I'm afraid of the ramifications of what I am planning to do. Ideally, I would love to be married and having a child with my husband, but that is not a reality for me. I hope that I am making the right decision. I already feel that having a child is correct, I am very excited but, what door of legal woes am I opening by doing this? I guess I'll see.