Spoke to the father of my future child which I will call JW (just because I'm really not in the mood to come up with a more creative name). So, JW is very sweet, nice and kind but, today after we spoke, he calls me and tells me to check my email because he has sent me something. When I open the mail, it is a few pictures of him, naked, smiling and posing for the camera. While I must admit that I was impressed by what I saw, I am not really attracted to him. He's very light (for a black guy) and it's just strange for me (sorry if I'm sounding racist). All the guys that I have slept with and seriously dated have been very dark skin though strangely, the two girls that I've slept with have been very, very light. I don't know if he was expecting me to get back to him like oh, you're so hot or whatever, I just didn't respond at all. Also, he's a cit on the thin side, he's lost some weight since I've seen him last. Again, I don't want to complain, but I'm used to screwwing fatter people, male or female. I know this sounds ignorant but, I just don't want my baby to be some skinny bright kid. All of my life I've envision these big, fat, BLACK babies. I always thougt I would marry some fat dark guy and have these big, juicy, black babies and it just seems weird to me to face the possibility of that not being so. I guess that entire thing is stupid anyway because here I am being a teacher for a lot longer then I ever thought I would be, who ever thought I'd be back in Brooklyn right in this house again? Not me. Who thought I wouldn't be married at all when I decided to become a mom? (again not me) and who would have ever thought that I would try to become a principal? The funny thing is, I was just reminded of this, when I first began teaching when I was 20, the guy who fingerprinted me was this old black guy and he tells me, oh, you'll be a principal in a couple of years and I told him, not me, I won't be doing this for too long which such an aire of "you stupid old man you" in my voice and here I am, doing exactly what I said I wouldn't, that's funny. So, I guess I better get over what I thought I would do and what I am doing really quick because other wise, I'm just being an asshole.
Spoke to MD (really nice church guy) today. He's sweet but he calls me every week and invites me to church. Does he like me? Does he think I'm a heathen? Who knows.
Why do I insist on staying up late at night when I know I have so much to do in the morning? I don't know, just one of my weird and strange quirks. I figured with all of the up and down the stairs and hills I'll have to do this week, I'm burning about 2,000 calories a day just going to, being at, and coming home from work. If I skip breakfast (which no one should do really) eat just a salad for dinner and have a "sensible dinner", barring all baked goods (I did make my cookies this weekend and shit are they good) I should theoretically loose like 3 pounds a weeks which would kick ass if I can stick to the salad for lunch and sensible dinner thing. At this point, I would just like to get back to my regular size, which is about three sizes smaller than I am lugging around right now, be a nit healthier since I do a lot of sitting around and doing nothing and be a little smaller before I get pregnant. I want a real pregnancy belly, not a jelly belly, (which I could easily be on my way to) so, I am especially going to try to do sit ups and the like to get my once flat tummy back to some semblance of itself. Well, guess I'll go to bed now.
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