I guess things went well enough

I cannot nomplain to much about this weekend. That sounds VERY negative, let me focus on the positive first.

Mysterious Ex and I didn't argue, well we had one tiny "disagreement" when we got back so I'm not sure if that counts or not. Mysterious Ex, Sam and I stayed at his family's summer home and he finally convinced me to go for a ride on HIS boat (did not know the boat was M.E.'s until this weekend, he always referred to it as "THE" boat), by the way, boating is very scary, I probably won't do that again, though Sam LOVED it. We spent a lot of time together doing nothing, which was cool. Basically, other than the boating and going to the beach and out to dinner, we sat around in our undies reading, listening to music, talking, laughing and dancing oh, and scaring people (more on that later). It was nice to just hang together, I really LIKE M.E. other than the love thing, he really is a great person, he's so funny and smart and sweet, I thoroughly enjoy being with him and he and Sam, as always get along wonderfully.

M.E. is going away for work on Wednesday, when we came back last night, I asked him, "Am I going to see you before you go?" he anwsered, "Do you want to see me?" I was a little taken a back because I expected his answer to be "of course". I guess he felt our spending the weekend together was enough. I told him, "Don't over extend yourself. If you feel that you've seen enough of me then by all means, don't make an effort to see me, it isn't that big of a deal, forget it". I then told him that I don't see him enough, I told him that he thinks things are great between us because we have a successful weekend but successful weekends do not a relationship make. He sighed in the "oh here we go again" fashion and so I just looked at him. He asked me (and I think he was being serious) "you don't think we see each other enough?" without hesitation I answered "NO!" He then asked (this is one of his favorite questions and personally, I abhore when he says this) "Is that the truth?" I just looked at him, "are you SERIOUS!?" I asked him. When it really comes down to it, we only see each other a few times a month, sure we're on the phone ALL OF THE TIME, but again, a PHONE relationship does not a REAL relationship make." I then added (and this is was got him) "You're very busy with your life and your job and your studio, I tell you all of the time and you never seem to realize that you are too busy for US. If you feel that you don't have time, just tell me because it isn't normal, and this entire thing is nor fair to me. I'm committed to you for WHAT?" He then shut down (as is M.E.'s fashion) he stod there for a long time not saying anything then he said "I'm going to go, there is a lot of traffic going out to the island and I don't want to be stuck in it for longer than I have to" I said, "okay". When we got to the door, he asked me "so, can I call you later?" I asked him, "why are you asking me? Of course you can, that isn't what I was getting at" We kissed and he left. I told him to call me when he got home so that I would know he got there safely but, he didn't call. I called him later and he said he wasn't in the talking mood, as is old M.E. fashion. The thing is, if I don't tell him what's bothering me, he makes a huge issue out of it, he tells me I'm not opening up to him, I'm not letting him in, I'm keeping things from him but, if I tell him the thing that is bothering me is us, he gets upset and does this whole "don't feel like talking" or in the past, just stop talking to me thing. He is so weird at times and this isn't something that I feel I can or should have to deal with. When you love someone I know that it includes all of their fucked upedness but, when it is NOT okay to deal with their shit?

My cousin T suggested that I should just start dating other people. She feels that I have exhausted my efforts on M.E. I too feel that way often but, I love him, as sick and sad and ridiculous as that sounds. I don't know why I feel it is my job to stick by him and see this thing out. We have no formal commitment to one another, he doesn't even feel that there is anything wrong with the amount of time we spend together. I feel that in itself says a lot.

Being the anal chick that I can sometimes be, I just added up that I have seen M.E. 12 times since April 8. That is 90 days. In 90 days I have seen him 12 times.


About the scaring people thing. I don't want to be racist but, higher income white people are so stupid. They think that because your skin tone is darker, there can be no possible way that you can live the way they do. On the beach this weekend, there was a group of small rowdy white children, a woman walked over TO ME, mind you there were LOTS of people on this beach and actually asked me "what family are you with?" As in, who's nanny are you? I looked at her and asked (in my perfect standard American english) "what ever are you speaking about?" Mind you, I was on the beach, NO WHERE NEAR these children, with my little expensive dog (who was wearing a tank top and had a playpen, just to give you a glimpse of the snooty factor I was living up to). I had a huge SINGLE beach towel, a small bag containing sun block, water, fruit and the book I was reading (John Irving's Hotel New Hampshire), I was attired in a lovely suit, great straw beach hat and dashing (expensive) shades, a nanny, I was not dressed as. She then repeated herself in a louder voice, (I was of course a lowly dumb nigger in her eyes) "What family are you with? There is a group of children over there misbehaving" (she pointed in the direction of the children because of course, my inferior nigger eyes couldn't see the children kickng balls and sand in the midst of the crowd). I kindly let her know I was not a nanny and that I found her assumption of my career to be insensitive and racist. I let her know that I, like she, was enjoying my weekend away from the city and then suggested she find a nanny and/or a parent post haste. I then added that instead of wasting her time bothering visitors like myself, maybe she should move her set up away from the unruly children. I then kindly smiled at her, and went back to reading my book. (M.E. doesn't like the beach past the boardwalk and I tell you, she was LUCKY because he would not have spoken to her so kindly). The funny thing is later that day, we were boating and I saw her with who I presumed was her spouse on a boat WAY smaller and older than M.E.'s. I waved at her and asked her how whe was enjoying her vacation at which she just literally, stared, mouth wide open.

The next day, we went to dinner (this restaurant is of the $150 + per person variety, not including drinks or dessert). The owners and workers were very nice because of course we are spending so much money. They sat us at a wonderful table and M.E. and I (showing my conceit) looked fabulous. I was wearing this black and white print off the shoulder 50's style dress (think Lucille Ball in I Love Lucy). This dress had a pink belt around the waist and a small pink flower at the clavicle. I wore a pair of pink Jimmy Choo - like shoes (I WILL NOT pay 500 dollars for a pair of shoes, that's just stupid) and wore my pink Lous Vuitton Murakami Papillon (thanks mom!). M.E. wore a dark gray suit and perfectly coordinated to me light pink shirt and tie and he had on these great cuff links I bought him for Christmas. Read, we didn't look thuggish, or unruly, or poor, actually, we were one of the best dressed couples at the restaurant. Upon being seated, this woman and her husband/boyfriend turned and stared right at us like "oh god, they're here too?" M.E. being the funny and suave kind of guy he is goes "hey, how's it going?" They just looked at him and us like we had four heads and continued eating their meal. Then, the woman to the other side of us MOVED HER POCKETBOOK! from the edge of the table where it was to the other side of the table! It was the funniest thing in the world! Had we been in a McDonalds or Burger King instead of that place, I probably would have cursed her out. But instead, I settled for a hushed but loud enough for her to hear us tones, "Is she serious? First off, I'm not snatching and running in four inch heels, second of all what is that bag, plastic, she's got to be kidding, it cost about as much as my undies did." M.E. then asked if we could be moved because of the "low rent element" (he actually used those words which I found fantastically funny) and we had a wonderful meal including for me, a half a bottle of something very close to strawberry champagne (can't pronounce it, something like gerwischwitzer or something) and a wonderful chocolate strawberry cake) Mmmm, chocolate cake.