The Heavenly One Needs a Man

I love my mom, I really do. I love my dad also. But, my mom needs a man. Or at least a butler of some sort. I visit my mom daily, why not? She's right up the block, she's fun 98% of the time and like I said, I love her. But, once my foot crosses the threshold of her floor, it's like I'm going to work. MY NAME do this, do that. She has a honey do list for me as soon as I get there, hence, my mom needs a man of some sort in that house. Yesterday, I dropped by to gossip about my weekend and just to hang out with her since I hadn't seen her for the weekend. "Oh", she says "I need you to do a couple of things for me." "Really", I answer "who would've guessed." "First, I want to know if you can mop my floor, my girl is off for the week." (First off, why is she calling a GROWN woman a girl? My mom sounds like those snobs in Connecticut I encountered this weekend. Second off couldn't she get a replacement?) As though that isn't enough, she also wanted me to cut her grass, make her bed, moisturize her hair (apparently her hair dresser is on vacation also) and clip her dog's nails. Uh mom, there's only 24 hours in the day, come on. So, she needs a man, I don't care if she dates him or not, she just needs someone in there to get some of this stuff done.

So, Mysterious Ex has reverted to his old self. He has not quite stopped speaking to me, I think he knows a little better than to do that but, yesterday he called while I was at THO's house and left me this sick, sad message. Usually, his messages are along the lines of "Hey baby, was just giving you a call, hope you and Sam are okay, maybe I'll try you on your cell, love you, bye". If I don't call him back within two or three hours, he may call me again with a similar message or try my cell, even though I rarely carry it. Yesterday's message was more along the lines of (as dead and un lively sounding as humanly possible) "Hey, it's me. I guess I'll call you later." Click. I came home late as THO and I were watching this old '50s movie called The Bad Seed which was pretty good. So, I didn't call him back and he did not call me. I am not normally an advice seeker but I will take it if someone offers it. My cousin T, who I find to be a very pulled together person says that I should just date other people. I am honestly thinking that I should. M.E. and I have talked and talked and talked. Even though we think we do, maybe we just have different ideas of what a good relationship is. The thing is, M.E. and I come from very similar familial backgrounds, (even though is family is WAY better off financially, and my mom and dad were no slouches). We are both the babies or our families even though he is like 7 years older than me. All of his brothers have wives and children and he says he wants the same. My family loves him and his loves me. We are bothe intelligent forward thinking people. Theoretically, we should be able to make this work.

As I am getting older, I want a more solid relationship. I want to be apart of something that is building up towards marriage and family. He claims that is what he wants but, I don't see it. I don't see him (despite his positive changes) moving towards what I want. Maybe I don't feel he's moving fast enough, I'm not sure which. He works this job that takes like 12 hours or so of his time daily. In addition to that, he is putting together a studio and he loves to make music. I am supportive of him but, it is having a negative affect on US. His job takes him away every so often for a week or two at a time. In addition to all of this, I mentioned that I might want to get my PhD over the weekend. He says, "I've been thinking about going back to school more and more lately". WHAT? NOW he wants to get his Masters, come on! I mean, if that is a decision he feels he wants to make then of course it's positive, I would be supportive but then I think, he's 33, not 23 or even in his twenties. When does he expect to do this? If he wants us to be together (which is the thought process he has), how does he expect us to survive his job, his studio, and his classes especially since we are not in a good place (at least in my eyes)? The classes that I am going to be taking are in the summer, during the day. Even the principal's program that I have entered has a regular teaching job schedule so my plans do not interfere with US. My doctor has given me a time frame of the next 4 - 5 years to become pregnant, and that is something that I want to and am going to do with or without him. None of his plans fit into mine. It is as though we are living these very independent existences and then just mesh our (or rather for the time being his) schedule into some kind of coordinating fashion. Maybe we are not together on our scope for the future, who knows. And that, to me, is one of the most important things right now. My career is figured out. With this new job I am taking and entering the principal's program, my financial and career life is figured out. I have accomplished what I set out to do. Between my salary, the houses and land and stocks my dad has left me, I can luckily say that I am independent, able to provide for myself or any children I decide to have. I won't have to depend on anyone financially. Now, I would like to concentrate on my personal life. I would like to find a partner and start a family. I mean, if it's something I'll have to do on my own, I am willing to take on that responsibility, but, I would prefer to be with a partner, I would prefer to be someone's wife AND mother.

Last night I had the weirdest dream where my dad, an old family friend and an aunt were present. The thing is, all of these people are dead. It was actually a pleasant if not slightly confusing dream where loads of people from my family, both my mom and dad's side were present. Our house was huge, way huger (if that's a word) than it really is and there were palm trees growing along the side walks even though there was snow on the streets. I had a little sister (which I don't) who stuck to me and she and I were wandering around the house looking for someone who had forged my signature on a job application. We finally found these people, who actually turned out to be my cousin T and her sister and brother and then I proceeded to slap all of them while they laughed at me. I then tried to get back to my bedroom with this little sister of mine in tow and we came to this glass room that had dead people in caskets (these people I could only assume were family members) when I asked my little sister about them, she said they had alsways been there and that I was acting silly. Since the house was so big, we had to walk a long distance to get back to my room and we kept passing these rooms full of family members having these individual parties even though it seemed as though they were all there for some big party. I recognized a lot of people in the rooms and some people were like made up people even though in the dream I knew I was related to them. It was very strange and so realistic. When I woke up, I was really like wow. I dont' like having such weird dreams.