I take two steps forward, he takes two steps back

Since I am home for the time being and don't really have much to do, I have decided to start a scrapbook for Sam. After seeing all of the beautiful scrapbooks people have made, I went out and spent like a hundred dollars on ribbons and letters and paper and glue and all this stuff in order to beautify my book. It's kind of nuts now though because I MUST have more. Everything I see, I want to buy, "Ooooo, I need that" "Oooo, that's cute", "Ooooo, that will look cute in Sam's book". I am a bonafide nut. I have banned myself from eBay beacuse as mentioned, I am crazy and will spend all of my money there.

I can never seem to win with Mysterious Ex. The week before last, I was going to wait until after the wedding to break up with him but last weekend, we had this huge talk and I thought the need for that had been thwarted. Now, some other stuff has come up. There is ALWAYS something with him, and I am back to where I began. Why does it have to be this constant up and down? Why does there always have to be this unknowing? I've already decided this isn't what I wanted, I thought things were sure to get better (yet again) but, we're right back. He's doing some fasting, not talking to me thing which he told me would be over tonight but, I still have not heard from him. I will not call him, I will not make that move, I am tired of having that responsibility. The funny thing is, I really don't think that he understands the damage things like this does to us. It isn't as though we have this strong relationship and everything between us is fine. Our thing is rocky at best. I am one misunderstanding away from dropping us, I don't see how he can't know this. Whenever I think that things are okay and I can sit back and enjoy "us", something arises. Something that upsets our relationship, sets us back a few milestones or causes us to breakup. I know that he thinks that I am dismissive of him, he thinks that I am always ready to break up with him and call it quits but it is true, I won't lie. It isn't that I don't want to work at having a good relationship, but it is all too much. When you are CONSTANTLY fighting and trying to get things to work, is it even worth it? Whenever I think we are moving forward, her we go, back again. I am tired of being in the same place.