Mysterious Ex did or rather said the strangest thing today. Since we have gotten back together, he has been trying or rather actually has been diferent and better than he used to be. He has decided to go to church more and get closer to God as a means to better deal with "us" and though I am not traditionally religious, I respect his decision and the way he is dealing with our relationship. Since he has gotten back his truck things between us have been smoother and even before getting his truck back, he has been nicer, calmer and more expressive with me. But today, he threw me a ball I was totally not expecting.
First off, I have to set a back story so that it is beter understood. M.E.'s problems with me are that according to him, I am very dismissive of him (if I get upset about something I am ready to call it quits), I am not affectionate enough (he likes to hold hands and kiss in public, things that I often feel weird about) and that I don't always allow him to be free with my body, if you catch my drift. Saturday at the wedding, he was holding my hand while we were in church and I, feeling weird, let it go, he didn't say anything, but he just looked at me and made this kind of mmmm sound. Later when we were driving to the reception, he reached over and rested his hand under my dress, on my thigh and I quickly moved his hand. Again, he didn't say anything, but he cut me this look like, "see". While we were at the reception, he rubbed my thigh and I moved his hand, he gave me one of those looks and while we were crossing the street, he reached for my hand, I took his then let it go. I just feel childish holding someone's hand, like I'm in kindergarten again. When we got home Saturday night, I let him do things that he's wanted to do for a while. Mind you, I am not frigid, just self conscious. So, he was reveling in how I let him do this and that and how he was happy with that. Not to get too graphic but, he spoke dirty to me and encouraged me to do the same. He seemed very pleased with the results. Fine.
Today, he calls me and tells me that I won't hear from him until Wednesday night. Before I could ask why, he explained to me that he was going to do a spritual fast and abstaining from certain things. Okay, I said. Why are you doing this I asked, (when I fasted, it was a huge deal, actually I'm fasting again but that's a different story) he told me, and this is the part I have trouble with, he told me he was fasting because his church was fasting, the pastor said they should and he was, I'M QUOTING HIM "trying to be obedient". My goodness I thought. To me, it is one thing if one is fasting because it is apart of one's culture or religion or because someone just wants to fast for personal, spiritual reasons or for whatever reasons ONE decides. But, to fast because someone told you to? That to me is just strange. Then I had to really think. I find Mysterious Ex to be a really smart guy, I mean REALLY smart but this, to me, seems stupid. Is he really this gullible? What else will he do because someone tells him? Maybe I'm being harsh. He then went on to tell me that we weren't going to speak because I might lead him to think, I'M QUOTING HIM "unpure thoughts". I responded to him "what!?" "What are you saying?" I asked him, "Do you think SEX in unpure? Do you think love is unpure? What does that say about me? If this is how you feel, then you shouldn't be having sex with me AT ALL". He told me we would speak about it on Wednesday, I answered fine. We said good night and hung up.
It lead me to think all kinds of things. Like people who send all of their money to televangelists because they are told to, or people who drink cyanide laced kool aid because they are told to. I do have to say honestly that it has given me a huge thing to think about. The fact that he isn't going to speak to me for fear of having "unpure thoughts" as though our love or appreciation for one another physical or otherwise is wrong in some way.
The biggest thing that bothers me though is the fact that he seems to be doing this because he was told to. And that "being obedient" comment, that was really a kicker. I am not sure how to handle this one. I guess I will wait a day and see.
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