Do things grow stickier yet?

Eaten so far:

Breakfast: Rice Krispies

Lunch: Rice Krispies (ran out of Frosted Flakes again)

Dinner: Kielbasa (spelling?) with onions and peppers, coconut rice and spinach


Resumes: None so far, just got in a bit ago

Exercise: Left my pedometer home today (blast!) but, did a significant amount of walking and in heels no less, plus, engaged in a little amorous activity which HAS to account for some type of exercise

Bought: A crap load of stuff today, coupon for Lane Bryant + Clearance Rack + First Thursday of the month sale = Lots of stuff for very little, needless to say, I am very happy


Well, thirty pounds or not, I am still officially H-O-T. Boy, staying home unemployed really makes a girl forget that actually is considered cute in society. I do admit that I felt really good about myself today. My jeans were cute, pluse the new blazer I wore and my heels looked great. My hair wasn't too frizzy, my make up was great, I just had a great body/hair/face day today. Some really good looking guys were trying to talk to me (not at all that I need yet another man beckoning me but, it felt nice) I did some great shopping, overall I'd have to say a pretty delightful day, at least so far.

So, Mysterious Ex and I jung out last night and despite my telling myself over and over, NO and despite polishing myself off not once but three times befor he came over, we still did the deed, and boy was it fun! I forgot how great sex was, not that I really forgot but I haven't done it in a few months so, I kind of forgot. WHat fun, what excitement, what calories I burned. A good time was had by all and by that I mean Mysterious Ex and yours truly.

New Guy called twice while Mysterious Ex was here, the first time I ignored the call but, I didn't want to appear suspicious so the next time he called, I answered. I promplty told him I needed to call him back and I knew I hurt his feelings. It wasn't my intention but, I very well couldn't carry on a conversation with him while M.E. was over here, that would be just plain whorish.

On the way home today, I was thinking, I do a lot of this lately. Mysterious Ex and I have lots of fun together. I love him, yes and for the past few weeks (like 2 or maybe 3), there has been a significant change in our relationship but, Mysterious Ex had a year. I gave him a year of my attention, my love, of being there for him and he took that for granted. He says that has come to his senses know, that he is ready to truly be in a "real" relationship but, what message am I sending him by so easily and willingly going back to him? Does he know think that he can do as he pleases because I love him so much that I will just take what he dishes out and still accept him? Has he truly seen how our relationship was hurting before and he really wants it to change? What are we doing? We speak of marriage and children but it always is like in the distant future. Not that I am ready to be married and made into a mom right now but, I'd like to know that will be the end result of our relationship. I'd like to know that we aren't just sitting around wasting time with one another.

On the flip side. New Guy is so sure of what he wants but, I am not willing to let go. What if things don't work out between us? What if our relationship is superficial since since we have really just met. I mean at the very least, M.E. and I have been through things together and in my personal and humble opinion, our relationship is stronger for it. It just feels right to be with him. When Mysterious Ex and I are together, I just feel as though he is with whom I belong. I see babies and a house, I see us in bed with children, on the couch watching tv and loving each other. Right now, I don't see that with New Guy but, am I just keeping myself from seeing that? I'm not sure.