I have an interview in the morning. This one is with a school in the Bronx and it will be raining :( not looking forward to that at all. Hung out with my cousin T and her friend J yesterday. It was a very nice day, not at all hot and muggy like it's been lately. We had a good time and I bought some really great items. Picked up a new purse, bracelet, necklace and some hair accessories for less than 10 bucks from a vintage store, very good buys. Since we didn't have a definite plan, we wound up walking from 59th street and 8th avenue to 6th street and 2nd avenue, we had some Indian food, and then walked from 6th street and 2nd to 14th and 8th. I did all of this in flip flops (like an idiot) and so now, my legs are so sore. I don't know how I'm going to get my fat ass up to the Bronx tomorrow but, I have to so...
I went to my family reunion last week in Virginia Beach and I actually had a really good time. I met a bunch of folk I had never met before and they were so educated and talented, so nice to have met them. I'm supposed to be building a family website which I have started and completed some of and, I'm now the newest family historian. It's a very important job and I look forward to it. Other than that, not a whole lot has been going on. My cousin T convinced me to try internet dating again, which I did so I have been meeting a lot of guys that way but, nothing has come out of any of it. A lot of exchanging email, a few phone conversations, not much else than that.
I thought I lost 7 pounds but, when I got on the scale today, I hadn't lost any weight. I haven't gained any either but, I haven't been doing anything that would make me gain weight. My doctor mentioned weight loss surgery to me as an option before and that really isn't something I think I want to do. I'm very healthy, my thyroid doesn't work well but other than that, I don't have any issues, my blood pressure is fine, my bones or joints don't hurt, I don't have any weight related issues, I'm just fat. My stupid tumor even shrunk (yay!) The thing is, I've been fat all of my life and though I'm not totally happy with my body at this size, I love myself. I love my body though it's bigger than it's ever been, I still look cute, I'm just bigger and softer than I normally am. Truthfully, I"m not entirely sure what's going on. I don't eat, I don't lose weight, I eat a bunch of food, nothing really big happens, it's like I"m destined to be fat or something. I walked around 5 miles total yesterday and I was fine during that, I carried on conversation during my walk, it wasn't a leisurly stroll either, so, I'm capable of that. I still practice yoga, not as often as I used to but, I'm okay doing that, I should exercise more but, no one I know exercises as much as they should so it's not like I'm being COMPLETELY slovenly. I'm just regular folk lazy. I don't want to consider surgery as a tool because I just don't want to invite misery into my life where there is none. People who have had this surgery have had ALL kinds of problems and like I said, right now, I hae none, but at the same time, I don't want to be THIS fat. But, I don't want to be thin either, that isn't what I'm supposed to be and I'm okay with that, I think being back in my size 18 is good enough for me, that is where I feel most comfortable. What else should I do? I'm not sure. I've taken the advice of many and added some other foods to my eating but even that, I only do about twice or three times a week. I've taken to drinking iced tea so my body doesn't think I'm starving it and, I'm walking more. I want to get to about 15,000 steps a day. I'm going to give it another month and if I haven't lost anything by then, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Eaten today:
Breakfast:
Mixed fruit (3 strawberries, half a peach a few slices of pineapple a few grapes)
Lunch:
Grilled cheese sandwiches (2, I was being greedy)
Dinner:
ate with The Heavenly One:
white rice(about 1/2 cup), spinach with garlic and 2 beef ribs
throughout day (2 cups of iced tea, maybe 3)
Eaten yesterday:
Breakfast:
iced tea
Lunch:
water, water, and more water (during the walking)
Dinner:
tandoori chicken, shrimp and beef cubes (left about half on the plate) three spoonfuls of rice, one beef samosa, about 1/4 piece of garlic naan, 3/4 small coconut custard, 1 can of sprite and when I came home, 6 cookies
(I was very greedy yesterday)
3 comments:
due to your thyroid problem, has your doctor told you to go on an extremely low calorie diet? To me it looks like you are not eating enough. You said after eating the tandoori chicken, etc. you were 'very greedy...'. But it looks like to me, that was because, you barely had 1000 cals that day, so you were genuwinely hungry and at that point, it's hard to resist. I wouldn't do the surgery either - you hear of the so many risks involved and possible death is one of them. I'd say, if your doctor has okayed you to(no heart issues etc.), that you start and stick to a cardio program for 2-3 months. 2-3 days a week (to start, then progress to 4-5 days as you feel able) at 20-30 mins of CARDIO (progressing your minutes as you feel able). ie. not just walking (yes, that is being active) but your heart rate doesn't get high enough to see the results you want. You have to commit to this. Go to the gym, use the elliptical or the treadmill for a continuous work out in your Target heart rate 'zone'. Basically you have to get your heart rate to a certain level (i.e. 60-7% of your max heart rate) and keep it there for the 20-30, mins. You should be working hard enough that you are breathing hard/breaking a sweet but NOT gasping for air. It should be HARD, but a pace that you CAN maintain for 20-30 min continuously. Yes you may not like using the treadmill or elliptical or bike or stair climber, but you need to commit to it for just 2-3 months, to see you results! Then you maintain by eating PROPERLY and doing all the walking you want!!!! ;-) If you can, I'd suggest getting a personal trainer for 2-3months, to keep you on track. They could work with you 1 day a week (you do your other workouts on your own), that way you only pay for 8-12 sessions ($400/560 to $600/840 - based on 50-70/hr session rates) - but they KEEP you on track for those months. And get you to your goal. DO IT - for you! ;-) If I was in NYC, I'd gladly train you!
Ah, you're so right but here is the problem: I'm lazy. I want to do easy exercises, I don't want to run and sweat a lot, I' know it's stupid and childish but, it's true and I'm honest. I'll walk 7 miles a day, I'll do power yoga for two hours a day but, I don't want to do that other stuff. I just don't. I don't want to be thin, I just want to be regular, or at least, my version of regular. I know many people who eat far more than I do and do far less than I do and they are FAR thinner than me. My doctor hasn't said anything about my thyroid other than it doesn't work properly. She told me to do a low carb diet but, I'm not big on eating meat so I opted for the all fruit and veggie thing. If it's any consellation, my cousin just sent me some pics of myself from last week's trip and I look noticeably thinner. Thanks so much for your help though. I'll make myself go to the gym even if I just start out at twice a week.
Walking is absolutely fine too - it just takes longer to see the results because the intensity can't match (unless you're an olympic style power walker ;-) that of the elliptical or biking. so do the walking - it's best to do what you like - just know that you'll have to commit to doing daily (at least five days weekly) and go for at least an hour long, fast, fast walk (if you are impatient and want to get back to your regular size sooner than later! ;-)
(i just came in from an hour long bike ride - to be exaxt i rode an hour into the city, took a step class, then rode back home. so i'm pooped now and off to eat and chill...)
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