What's boop? I have no idea, it just came to mind when I wrote it.
So, I'm really looking for another job. If I don't find one, I'll go back to my job of course but, I'm looking, a lot. I would love to just get up and leave NY but admittedly, I'm scared, correction, I'm terrified. Where would I go? What would I do once I got there?
So, I'm officially bored. I havent' been doing much this summer. Went to see the El Greco show at the Met. I need some new hang out partners. Most of the girls I used to hang with are married or coupled up, the others, we just don't have a whole lot in common anymore. I've been shopping a lot. Found a great vintage coat, almost brand new for about a hundred bucks. Got a great day dress, brand new from 1939, it's gorgeous, got two clutch bags from the mid '40s, also very nice and, I got a great dress and jacket set from the mid '40s, on the cheap also brand new! I found another vintage store not too far from my house so, I'm going to step over there within the week, see what's going on.
I was talking to that guy I met at the swing dance last week and in the middle of our conversation, he told me that I had the kind of voice that turned him on. He then asked if I would be offended if he masturbated while I was on the phone with him. Needless to say, I hung up. I told my cousin T who SWORE I was lying. She just can't believe that I meet guys like this but, it's the God's honest truth. It's just, weird, he seemed like a really nice person, I just can't see myself asking someone something like this. The thing is, I'm not sexually forward like that. I mean, I'm no prude, believe me but, when I first meet a person, I'm not overtly sexual, I'm not sure what it is. I really think it has to do with me being a fat woman. I mean, I've always been fat but, I've gained weight within the last year so, I'm more fat than I normally am. I think men must think that fatter women are whores, I don't know. So, I've decided to not date again for a while. I don't know. I know who I am and I don't want someone treating me in such a way. I'm a good person, I'm a good woman. I'm not looking for perfection, but why is it so difficult to find someone decent?
Eaten Today
Breakfast:
banana and 8 strawberries
Lunch:
bowl of mixed fruit
Snack:
glass of milk and 6 cookies which I needed like a whole in the head
Dinner:
8 strawberries, handful of blueberries, 1 banana and 1 large peach
2 comments:
I think you are being unfair to yourself. you are blaming yourself and your fat for what this man said to you, and you don't deserve to impose the blame-the-victim mentality on yourself. if, god forbid, you had been raped, would blame your size or your clothes or anything for what a man did to you? This guy was just being an asshole and it had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you.
Oh no, I'm not saying he said those things BECAUSE I'm fat but because I'm fat, he thinks it's okay for him to say such things to me. I'm not down on myself about as though it is my fault, he's an a--hole, I'm well aware of that.
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