Yet again, money is a hinderance

So, I am ready to have my home study (a background check on me and a survey of my home to see whether it is baby ready or not) and I really just have to choose which agency I want to go with. The thing is, all of the really good agencies are so expensive. As an adult, I've run into this situation a few times where I feel as though I am low on cash or I don't have enough to do something I want to do or in some cases need to do. I hate this feeling. It is something I have never experienced before being on my own. I do have to give my parents credit for doing things the way they did. They were really extraordinary. I've never been without, and if anything, I've always had excess, too much excess. I sometimes wish my dad was still around, he was so good with investing, I could really use his help mow. THO said that she would give me money for the adoption but, I don't want it, this is something that I feel I should do on my own. Even my friend C (who is a very wealthy older man, more on him later) offered but, I don't know if I am being prideful or if I just have strong convictions. I am planning to do some type of fundraising, if they offered to help with that, I would accept, but to just give me money, that isn't something I want to do.

My friend C is this guy that I've known for like over two years. I met him the day I bought Samson home. He's this short, skinny, balding, older white guy, but he's so much fun. He keeps me in stitches, he's a really great person. He and I tried dating for a short while, since he always says he likes me and admittedly, he's a great catch but, I just couldn't do it. We are so opposite that people can't help but stare at us when we are together. Hell, I would stare too if I saw us walking down the street or sitting in some cafe. I'm this tall, huge, big butted curvy, fat black chick with wild, crazy curly hair and he's this really conservative, suit wearing, not so tall, skinny, gray haired, balding white guy, we just look a mess together. He has offered me money for adoption, and then he offered to get me pregnant (C doesn't have children), I have turned him down on both offers. I feel that this is what I am supposed to do, things will work themselves out, I have to believe that they will.

I exchanged mail with this girl I met in class last week. She's a really cool sistah with locks and great style. She gave me the greatest compliment by telling me that she thought I looked great everyday (what can I say?) and she wanted to do some shopping with me. We are supposed to get together next week, so, I have a new friend, yay! I really don't have a lot of friends, like half the people I speak to and think are really cool, are people that I never or barely see because they live so far away, like Gwen who is absolutely great, but she and I just can't call one another up and go for a beer, then there's K who's in Chicago, though he is a great friend. There's female K who fucking lives in AUSTRIA of all places, there's NO WAY she and I can hang out, then there's the three D's, D#1 lives in South Carolina, D#2 lives in Georgia, and D#3 lives in Mississippi. Then there's G who I have a love/hate relationship with, she's cool but can get aggravating quickly, anyway, she's in Maryland, too far for a quick hangout. So, in so far as NY friends, that leaves me with the three T's, one is great, the other is getting her Masters now and raising two kids, she's busy, can't hang out, the other is pregnant and scared something will happen to her baby so, she can't hang out, (I'm going to see he next week). There's the aforementioned C but things with him are weird, there's always sex talk involved after a drink or two (coming from him) when we go out. Then there's L who is just way too ghetto for me, I can't hang out with her, and that's about it. I have a few associates, but no one I consider my "FRIEND". The last 2 new friends I acquired I wound up sleeping with (they were so damned cute) and one went Psycho on me, the other began to think I was her wife and became very upset when I informed her otherwise. So, all of that said, it will be cool to have a new friend.

Exchanged mail with M.D. also. he hadn't called me for a few days but, he's taking one of those classes I was taking, (he too is a Master Teacher), and this one is really kicking his ass. Those classes are a lot of work, I dont' envy him and I'm glad I'm done with mine. Going to perm my hair now, cross my fingers it works out, the last time I permed my hair, I had an allergic reaction and my entire face turned red, we'll see what goes down this time.