Same Shit, Different Year

Well, I just got off the phone with Mysterious Ex. I guess he as always, is up to his same foolishness. When I spoke to him the other day, yesterday, and earlier today, he kept asking me, "do you want to see me?", "I think we should get together, I think we should talk". And so, I, as the stupid girl that I am, cleared my entire night so that I would be prepared for our meeting this evening. He called, as he said he would, but, there was no mention of getting together. We just had this very normal conversation as though everything were fine, as though he didn't ask to meet with me. As though our last few conversations did not take place. I hate that I am non confrontational. I hate that I don't always stand up for myself. I hate that I still have feelings for him and allow him to do this to me. I cannot speak to him any longer, it hurts my heart. It makes me cry, it hurts me. I love him, and I hate that I love him. I want things to be okay with us, I want us to be okay. But, it seems as though that isn't something that is going to happen no matter how much I want that and no matter what I feel. I think it is best if I stop speaking to him. I think it is best if he and I leave things as they were. I am not healed, I am not over him. I am just damaging myself to think otherwise. I am hurting my heart more and more everyday that allow myself to fall back to the way things used to be. I am so sad now and I don't want to be.