Wow, Again.

I reached my 30 pound mark today. I'm so excited about that. It has been much easier to lose weight than I thought it would be. Now, I have about 40 to go, but wow, 30, not bad at all, especially in 8 weeks.

Over the weekend I was feeling very lonely or I don't know, weird, so, I called Mysterious Ex and asked him to come over. I know that I said I didn't want him to come to my house so soon but, this was my choice, I really just needed him to come by. So, he brought breakfast, we ate, read the paper and just hung out, nothing special, and no sex, though, we did kiss. It felt so comfortable being with him, I'm not sure if it's because I love him or just because we click so well, but it wasn't even as though time had passed, we just fell into our usual habits, sitting on the couch while he rubbed my feet, me brushing his hair as we watched television. I asked him how he felt about our seeing one another and he said he thought it would be a bit weird since we haven't seen one another in a really long time but, it didn't he said, it just felt normal. My sentiments exactly.

So, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my ex, ex, the one who called me and I called back recently. Truth be told, I think I'm just going to leave it alone. I loved him and he was a HUGE part of my life, we were together for five years, he is the first man I've ever loved, the first man I ever had sex with, the person who just a few years ago, I thought I would be with forever but, that's gone now. I'm not that person anymore and I don't think I could be for him what he thinks I am. The girl I was years ago and the woman I am now are different. My roots are in her, but I am not her. I think she is who he loves, that girl that he used to know. In many ways, I am not the person I was because of him. There isn't any way that I could just go back to that. I am cool with myself now. As much as I may complain about my life, I'm really cool and I don't want to back track. I'm just going to close that section of my life.

Now, I admittedly am not a fan of modern day hip hop, I'm a child of the 80's/90's: A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, BDP, etc. but wasn't it cool to see 36 Mafia win their Oscar last night? That was cool.

So, Mysterious Ex asked me out for later this week. He says he wants us to talk and I'm thinking, what else could we talk about? With him, it's a bit scary at times so, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.