Tonight, I am finding it very difficult to sleep. Mysterious Ex is supposed to come by in the morning, he said he wants to talk and he is bringing breakfast. I know that he is going to talk about us again and I know that he is going to say something I don't want to hear. I find him so strange at times, hence the name Mysterious Ex. He says he loves me, he says he wants to be with me, we seem to get along very well, we click like I haven't ever clicked with a person before in my life, he says the same thing but, he claims his job keeps him SO busy but, I have never in all of my life met someone as busy as he is. Often, I feel that he is lying to me but, I know him and lying and carrying on just really don't seem to fit into his personality. He really is a nice person, very sweet and kind so, I can't see him purposefully telling me untruths, purposefully hurting me but still, I don't understand.

For me, things are very simple. If I love someone, then they are important to me. I will not go as far as to say they are THE most important thing inmy life, but they are important. I will make time to be with the person I love, I will make sure that person KNOWS they are important to me. For me, ACTIONS speak louder than words. Not only will I TELL you I love you, you will SEE that I do. Things are not like that with him. He says I love you but to me, his actions do not evoke that. That is important to me. It is important for me to feel loved to feel as though I mean something to the person I am with, with him, I don't feel that way.

Mysterious Ex comes from a higher financial background than I do (my parents provided extremely well for me and my siblings but M.E.'s parents are on the cusp of being rich) so, it is important for him to be "more" than his parents. This means in addition to his "regular" job, which takes up about 10 hours of his day, he has side ventures, start ups that require his attention. Of course I am supportive of him, of course I want him to be successful, of course I am happy for him and his search for bettering (sp?) himself but I also do believe that if he really loved me as he claimed he did, this wouldn't be a problem, we would still be able to make this work.

I am staying up with the intentions of him waking me up when he gets here. I don't want to think about this before he gets here, I think it will make me too jittery, too nervous. I want to stay up as long as possible so that I will be asleep until he rings my bell. I hate this.