I am trying to remain positive and be upbeat. When I am with other people, it is very easy, I laugh, make jokes, enjoy being around them but, when I am by myself, it hurts a lot and admittedly, I have been crying a lot. I just finished crying as a matter of fact. It doesn't make me feel much better but, it does feel as though some heaviness has been alleviated, even if only for a little bit of time.
I continuously try to see the good in people but, it is very hard when I always come across people that I can't seem to find much good in.
I spoke briefly wih the Brit and (surprise!) I spoke with the other girl. He keeps pledging all of this love and affection for me, telling me that he wants me, wants to be with me but apparently, he's been telling this girl the same things.
I am convinced there is something wrong with me. It is IMPOSSIBLE that one person can continuously run into the same foolishness time and time again. I even found myself texting Ian (Mysterious Ex) tonight. Yeah, it got THAT bad. I'm not sure what hearing from him is supposed to do for me but admittedly, I am just very lonely very tired and very hurt. I'm not sure how much more I have to give to anyone. Myself included.
8 comments:
i once read an article about this young woman in rwanda who was raped and caught AIDS and was dying alone in a hut. and in the article she said all she ever wanted to do was get married and raise a family.i think she was 20. when things get bad, i remember her. whatever in your life is joyful- your mother, sam, your friends, your cooking, your sewing- turn towards that. give thanks that you saw the true character of this man now- and not fifteen years into a marriage when his other woman called your house. the way has now been cleared for you to accept something better. be blessed!
Misfortune whether it is financial, professsional or personally is not necessarily an indication of some fatal flaw or bad judgement that we've made. It can, however, be a wonderful opportunity to reevaluate who we are, what we want and the people that are in our lives. I've been fortunate and blessed to meet a lot of exceptional people and besides their amazingess, the one quality that they have in common is that they constantly attract people to them. Many times its the wrong sort of people. It's as if the fact that they have it together attracts the most unorganized, can't get it together, selfish, don't know what they want from life type of person possible. In other words the takers. Now,is the perfect time for you to start ridding yourself of them. I include your mysterious ex in this because for as many positive qualities as he may have, until he knows what he truly wants from life he has nothing positive to give you.
I spent a lot of time in developing countries,I've personally seen unimaginable suffering that makes me grateful for the many blessing that I am fortunate to enjoy. However, when I hurt, I hurt - I don't minimalize it and you shouldn't either. Your disappointment and hurt seems very profound. Acknowledge it, own it and then let it go.
This too shall pass.
P.S. update aunapturale. I recently went natural and i need some inspiration :0)
Wow! First I have to say thank you. Thank you for even reading and taking to hear what I have to say. I honestly appreciate it. I've beenkeeping this to myself as part of me doesn't want to wallow in self pity and the other part of me knows that this is nothing compared to what other people in this world are experiencing.
I am acknowledging this hurt, I am owning it and believe me, I'm letting it go. This year, I've let many people go. My cousin who I thought was my best friend. Other people who I realized meant me no good and finally, yes, Mysterious Ex.
I am constantly evaluating myself, seeing how I can become a better person. Trying to live life as best I can. I know that I have a wonderful life, with great influential and amazing people in real life and right here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
GN
Big cyber hug and boxes of kleenex :o)
greetings all-
when i gave the example of the woman in rwanda, it was not to minimize anyone's suffering. but it was to point out how truly fortunate we really are, especially here in america, and to remember what is important. what is important is help. what is important is friends and family and those people that really have your best interests at heart. sometimes, when i think about the things i might be going through as a black woman in the world, i can only take a deep breath and give absolute thanks and prasies that my bad is not as bad as it seems. Wishing you all joy!!!!
oops- i meant what is important is health. ok goddess- blessings!
Anonymous,
I didn't take your example as a dig at my hurt or anything. I actually took it the way you meant it.
Hurt is hurt is hurt. There is no way that I could ever tell you your hurt is any less than anyone else's.
I understood what you meant. Even though this thing may have hurt me, even though for this moment or how ever long I was upset, I have much in my life to be grateful for. My mom, my stinky Sam, my home, good friends, good job. Just the fact that you would take the time to read anything that I would write and then respond, to try to make me, a stranger feel better when there are so many other things in your life that need your attention, I am grateful for you and your words.
I mean that seriously Sis.
Much love.
GN
Please don't stop writing. I've been keeping up with you for almost a year. You make me laugh so hard, especially during those times when I feel the loneliness you describe here, and I want to cry. Sharing your real like experiences, and the goofy things people do in your life, reminds me that I'm not alone (or weird) in this journey towards finding a mate ...
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