I'm an asshole, and immature too

I have been dating since I was about 18. Before I met my first serious boyfriend at 18, I of course, went out with a few guys here and there. At the age of 18, when I didn't like a guy for what ever reason, I would just stop talking to him. I would stop calling him and I would no longer take his phone calls. Some guys got it right away, it took others a few weeks and in two cases, several months. The weird thing is, as I've gotten older, (I'll be 28 in two weeks), I do the same thing! What's wrong with me? Why do I do this? I liken myself to be a pretty put together intelligent chick, but, it is hard for me to just say, "hey guy, I don't want to do this, it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends" not me, I just stop talking to the person. I fantasize these long conversations where I am being very adult and discussing the reasons why I and the guy shouldn't see one another, but, I just don't do it.

I'm in the midst of this thing now with A, the guy I was pseudo dating and whom I now consider to be a big idiot. I haven't spoken to him in like 4 four days. I could just call and say, "Hey, A, I made a mistake, maybe we shouldn't pseudo date, I don't like you, you're an bigoted idiot". or, I could just say. "A, this really isn't working out, I think you're a nice person, I just don't think we click". That would be the cool adult thing to do, but, obviously, I'm neither cool nor adult. The funny thing is, every so often, some guy calls me out on my bullshit. I kind of feel bad for the three minutes it takes me to listen to their messages, and sometimes for about four minutes after that, but all in all, I don't really care. The VERY strange thing about it is, that was the way Mysterious Ex handled things, to just stop talking to me, and I HATED that shit. HATED, HATED, HATED. So, why would I do this to other people? I'm not sure really. Maybe I'm afraid of confrontation, maybe I'm just an asshole.



I have that interview tomorrow for the AP position. I guess I'm pulling out the big guns. I have all of my excellent evaluations, my reports from the teacher training I've done, my classroom management program (which can easily be modified for school wide use), reports from all of the after school programs I've been a part of (2 of them being under my direction), I've gone over my educational theories, my discipline tactics, I've pulled out my crispest, most expensive interview outfit (crossing my fingers, legs, toes and eyes that it still fits) and I hope it all works. Looking through my things, I seem to be a pretty proficient person, at least career wise, kind of makes me wonder why I don't use those same tactics in my personal life.

Since I sat on my fat ass shopping on line for half the day yesterday, like some kind of idiot, Sam and I are going for a brisk walk in the park to try and burn off at least some of the three donuts I ate yesterday.